Episode # 153 Don't Worry About What Other people Think


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Natalie : Today on the show I'm speaking with Vasavi Kumar and she talks about why we shouldn't be bothered about worrying what other people think about us and how detrimental this to our success. So enjoy.

Hi I'm Natalie Ledwell and this is the Inspiration show, and today my special guest is Vasavi Kumar. How are you Vasavi?

Vasavi: I'm good Natalie, how are you?

Natalie: Great. Now we were actually gonna be talking about a fantastic subject today, about not giving a damn about what the people think about you. So I can't wait to get into that. But before we do, let's talk a little bit about you and your background and what it is that you do?

Vasavi: So on just on an educational level, I have 2 masters in Special Ed and Social Work from Colombia University. I am a New Yorker by birth, born and raised New Yorker; my parents are okay with the Hurricane and all that stuff, they're doing okay. And I became a certified coach because while I studied Therapy for so long, I've been in Therapy for almost 18 years of my life, I started very you in this journey just want to find out what was real and what was not. I found that with therapy I spend a lot of time just dissecting my past, a lot. And while it's very useful, what I found was missing was really being right here, right now. And also looking out and just really looking out the vision for my future, and I found coaching. Someone actually said to me "You should be a life coach" and I said "Okay" and then I looked it up, I started working with the coach, I enrolled in a yearlong pre-intense training program. And all those accomplishments are really great Natalie; I mean I admit I look very good on paper. I have an Ivy League education double masters but my true experience comes from falling on my face, many times. And I'm getting back up, so I always have to throw that piece and...'cause there are people that want to know that I am educated and I have some sort of credentials, but for me personally, what I know now and who I am now has come so much from falling on my face, getting back up, and doing that about a hundred times.

Natalie: Yup. I mean that's the thing, like I always actually just did a call actually from my ultimate success master class students which on that core values, and going through, and part of my core values is like being authentic. The thing is you can be that walk the talk; you don't just wanna be standing there and just sparing of all these information which is all serious when you haven't actually gone through the motions yourself. So you're turning some of that does the walkie talk and is base through the motions.

Vasavi: I have been through the motions, I absolutely walk my talk, there's nothing that I will suggest my clients to do that I haven't done myself. And I think the number one thing when your in this role and people look to you as an expert, you have to be willing to share what you've gone through because otherwise there's a power dynamic when your kind of better than and the clients less than. And my clients know immediately when were working together, we are right here, we are together, I maybe a few steps cause I've gone through it, work on that aspect of my life but there is no better than or less than.

Natalie: Alright. Yes. Absolutely! So why should we care about what other people think?

Vasavi: That's the great question "why we shouldn't care". It's just not fair to us. I think the greatest gift that we can give ourselves is to find out who we are, why I am here, I mean the fact that we are born. We've been created by this life force; we are here for a reason. And I think that the only thing that you can discover in this lifetime is who you really are, and then your life is complete. And then I find so many people struggle with not wanting to move forward in their life or they're scared to do certain things because they're afraid of what their parents are gonna think or their family members, their friends, what people around them are gonna think. When you start giving a damn what other people think, you will inevitably just stay stuck. If that's going to be the barrier for you to move forward, that's a huge barrier. That's why most people don't move forward because that is such a huge barrier that keeps people from moving forward. You can't give a damn what other people think because if you do, you are not fully going to live your life.

Natalie: Right. So we talk about you know, being surrounded by negative people. I mean most of the time they're just trying to keep us safe, really aren't they. They're just working on the right paragraphs and the right programming and they're coming from a good place but they're trying to hold us back, is that what you find?

Vasavi: I like that you said that because it doesn't really normally come from a malicious place. You know I hung with the pretty rough crowd back in the day, my teens and my early 20's, they weren't bad, they were just kind of misguided. And as I started to kind of move away and stop doing certain things, stop using drugs, stop drinking, stop partying until 5 AM with my mind completely obliterated. As I stopped doing that stuff, it was weird for them because when you start to move up, and I don't mean up like your better than, when you start to evolve and started to find out who you really are and get your priorities straight, your leaving other people behind you. And they're like "wait a minute, don't leave me, I don't want you to leave me", so you're always gonna come across that struggle, your gonna find people, it's that they're uncomfortable with you truly knowing who you are. The scariest thing for people and the people around you and you yourself is clarity. Because when we're clear, you're unshakable, no one can stop you.

Natalie: So how do people figure out who they are? Is there a process they can go through to do this?

Vasavi: Well, I personally think that it has many modalities. Stillness and silence for me is number one where there's stillness that's where God exist, the universe higher being, in whatever your gonna say, but you gotta spend, I would say for a newbie, for a beginner, spend maybe 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes in the evening if you can during the day. Just 5 minutes, just stopped, don't do anything and just shut down, that's when you truly received the messages, and I say that you get it from God but you're really getting them from inside of you, God's not out there, God's right in here. So I would say, the first thing is really stillness like make it a point to be still, shut out everything, don't do anything. And I would also say to find out who you are, used the people in your community that love you, that want the best for you, that see your greatness even when you don't see it in yourself. So you need to be around with people when even if your sitting on your poopie box and you're like "I feel sorry for myself". And you know you have friends that are like "no, you are awesome", you wanna be around with those kind of people and just ask them like "who am I?" like you wanna have that conversation with people who get you and who know you. Journaling is also really great but honestly for me, it really is doing what you say you're gonna do. You will start to find out your true character, about who you really are at the core when you say you're gonna do something and you do it, that follow through is so powerful and you start to see "wow, I'm really a powerful human being", "I really am awesome". The reason why we don't know who we truly are is because we think one thing, we say one thing, and we do another thing. That's why we're so confused because women are a perfect example, I just gotta say this. To a woman's face you're gonna say "sure, Id love to", but inside we don't really wanna do that. Right there you create a split; you create a split inside of you. So the number one thing, after stillness, after talking to your friends is also to do what you say that you're gonna do.

Natalie: Yeah, absolutely. So is there any time that we should be listening to other people or we should just dismiss what they say all the time.

Vasavi: I don't think, I think that there are a few close people that you can listen to. For me, if I could just share, it's my parents and it's my husband. My parents to a point, mother to point because she operates a little bit more fear base, I love her dearly because she's my mother, and she will always be a perfecter for me, my father gets the big picture. I think you have to really listen to yourself so, if what you're getting back from someone else just asked how you feel when you hear it. Like if you give me a piece of advice, I don't have to respond to it immediately but I can say "okay, let me see how I feel, is there any truth to that, is this applicable to my life, if I take this advice will it move me forward", you just gotta pay attention to how you feel about things, you don't have to react immediately.

Natalie: I think that it's really important that you've talked about stillness, you know being quite. I'm booting from the dream of what life really is because if you have a question, you have a challenge. In those quiet times, if you shut up long enough, you will be able to get the message, to get the answer. And I think you know, probably that any other person that I would add to that list is a mentor, someone that you're working with that is actually going ahead. So how detrimental it is for us to be worried about what society thinks and you know what other random people think.

Vasavi: It's very detrimental, I think its one of those detrimental things that you can do if you're going to allow other peoples opinion affect you. I'm all about freedom of speech, okay, I say that, however, I think there's a responsibility that comes from freedom with speech. So if I'm going to speak, am I spewing negativity, am I spewing hatred, am I moving societies forward, am I moving the human rave forward. Okay, there's a responsibility that comes with the ability to be free. I think that in our society, we have the struggle that we wanna be free but then we are so blinded by the rules. Right. So there's this dichotomy and because we're so trapped by the rules, we say anything, we don't think before we speak. But go back to the original question, it is absolutely detrimental, it is, I would say the number one thing is the company that you keep that will make or break your success, but right along that same level is listening to other peoples opinions, worrying about judgments and perceptions of you is detrimental thing, that is just total domination of your life if you allow them.

Natalie: Cool. Awesome! So what else can we tell people about this, is there anything that, if someone listens to this video today, what can they do right now to sort of get pass this and to be not so worried about what other people are thinking.

Vasavi: Well, I actually have a free mind set training video where I am just so like in your face about some of the big fat lies that we've been told. So if you go to sourceofyousuccess.com, it's a four part training series where I really go deep into how I've allowed in my past for society, cultural, religious kind of norms to control my life and how I got out of it. I think the number one thing is to find someone who you really feel is free and comfortable in their own skin and learn from them. I think my best mentors all had what I wanted which is that freedom, just be damn. I had no idea what I was gonna say when I got on this conversation with you Natalie, I just gotta be really honest but it feels so good to know that I have what's in here to talk to you right, its just certain sense of freedom and I you just gotta trust, I just trust whatever I say is gonna impact someone, that's it. But for your viewers, I would definitely say that find someone that your wow, I really like that about them, I like how they feel comfortable on their skin, I like how confident and I learned from them.

Natalie: So can you just say that website one more time to make sure people that people have that URL.

Vasavi: Absolutely! It's sourceofyoursuccess.com.

Natalie: Wonderful! And guys if you click on the banner to the side you will actually go straight to Vasavi's website from there as well. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Vasavi: Thanks, Natalie.

Natalie: Now I know that we actually have quite a bit of information so why don't we record another video together, we'll see.

Vasavi: I would love to.

Natalie: Alright. Now guys, please I encouraged you to share this video and all of the information in it by clicking the Facebook and Twitter share buttons above. And if you haven't done so already make sure that you put your e-mail on the box above there. Id love to send you my Manifesting with the Masters video Echoes, its got masters like Bob Proctor, John Assaraf, Joe Vitale, its valued 87 dollars and I'd like to send it to you for free. So make sure that you put your e-mail on the box above there. So until next time remember to live large, choose courageously and love without limits. We'll see you soon.

Vasavi Kumar
Abundant Results Workshop Transform Your Life